Pills in various colors, shapes, and sizes
This one for round the clock pain, this one for breakthrough pain,
One for anxiety and one to concentrate through the fog.

You're told, “Rate your pain 1 out of 10.”
For years not knowing what's being taken
Until you are in way too deep,
Sinking

In endless amounts of opioids, benzos, and stimulants—
Bottles of pills pile up,
A product of Big Pharma, and the doctor became
The legal drug dealer.

Were you being manipulated — or have you become the
Manipulator?

Doctor! “I have more pain, it’s about an 8.”
You're told, “You must be building up a tolerance — let’s increase your dose.”
Their word for “tolerance” becomes
Dependence.

Trying to figure out a means to a quality of life while in a drug-induced haze,
Feeling like your body is moving, but the mind is idle,
Tricked

With an overload of serotonin and dopamine.
Happiness becomes a refracted mirage.
Days turn into months, months turn into years.

With each step, the further you go
Into this blurred illusion,
The more mundane the struggle feels.

Consistently laid up in bed—
Stuck,
In the fetal position,
Revolving sweats and chills.

This drug binge has me shackled
By withdrawals, as I’ve become a slave to these drugs.

Lost under a dark cloud and
Ten steps away from the reflection of the person you used to see in the mirror,
Struggling,
Trying to figure out who I am and how things got to this point.

This means of existence was something you didn’t ask for.
Your best friend is the thing that’s killing you!

How far must this go
Until the bottom is reached?

With nowhere to turn, the daunting task of change is approaching.
All I have to look forward to is
Death, Institutions, or DOC.

I want out—
Step 1:
I’m powerless over this addiction and my life has become unmanageable.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

PEACE!